The Possibility and the Promise
by emilie whoa
Summary: There was no way I could have know that Edward Cullen would kill me that day. It just happened. Like tripping on a crack in the concrete, or missing the game winning goal in gym. He had no control. He killed me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
1. The Kill

**A/n:** so i know you're all expecting the sequel to God Bless, but i decided to post this first and maybe attempt to juggle posting two stories at once. i hope that maybe i'll be able to accomplish it. anyways, this is an idea that i came up with while getting a cavity filled and i consulted a couple people about it and they thought it was a pretty good idea. so i decided to share it with you all.

this entire first chapter is pretty much written by Keeley, with a little bits and pieces by me. its in Edward's point of view, but the rest of the story will be in Bella's.

**Disclaimer:** this is for the entire story. I do no own anything, nor will i eer own anything more than a spiddy copy of Twilight and New Moon and soon to be Eclispe. i promise that, to the best of my ability, i won't butcher any of the characters and bring a bad name to Twilight fandom.

by the way, i really want feed back on this story, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think.

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I have more self-control than this. Well, apparently I _had_ more self-control than this. This poor, insignificant human girl. So fragile, so innocent. Why her? What was I going to do?

How could I get this out of hand? I've always had better self-control than any other member of my family. Except for Carlisle. He truly astounds us all. I gaped at the body lying down in the back of the classroom. The girl was pretty in a Plain Jane type of way. She didn't deserve to die. I sighed bitterly and looked at the girl's− Isabella. She shouldn't be referred to as 'the girl,' she was an actual person. And because of me, she's dead. She could have cured cancer, maybe. Been the next Nobel Peace Prize winner.

Of course, there are twenty or so other students, plus a teacher lying dead in miscellaneous places in the classroom. Twenty innocent children, all gone because of one girl. And her blood.

Twenty. All innocent. None of them had done anything wrong. This was definitely not good, not good at all. What would I do? Leave them all here for the janitor or a student to find?

The door opened and Alice, accompanied by Jasper, walked slowly in the room.

"Oh my god, Edward. What have you done?" she whispered. She sounded more surprised than she should have. She probably saw this. Why didn't she stop me? No, I can't blame this on anyone but myself. This is my fault.

Jasper looked around the room, eyes blank, then he turned to me, not even bothering to use his power for the least bit of help. Asshole. Alice sighed and looked at me, shaking her head at me.

"Why, Edward? How did this happen? How did _you_ manage to do this?"

I shook my head, putting it in my hands. I felt myself start shaking. Twenty children. Why? Why them? They didn't deserve to die. I took in a shaky breath, looking up to Alice and Jasper.

"What do we do?" I whispered.

Alice's eyes were sincere and very, very disappointed at the same time, "We go and tell Carlisle and we leave as soon as possible. For Denali."

My eyes widened, how would, or could, I tell Carlisle? He would be so disappointed.

"I'll go get Emmett and Rosalie, we should leave as soon as possible" Jasper said quietly and exited the room. Alice gave me a hard stare, then shook her head.

Even she couldn't look me in the eye. She just looked down and shook her head, walking out of the classroom quickly. I followed suit immediately, locking the door behind me.

Jasper had fetched Rosalie and Emmett, who only had looks of disappointment and pity for me. I sighed and shook my head, walking quickly towards the car. Everyone quickly followed my pace to the car. We all got in quickly and sped off towards the Hospital.

Carlisle would not be pleased.

We pulled in next to his Mercedes Benz and entered the tiny hospital through the emergency room to find him filling out some forms.

"Carlisle," Alice called in an icy voice, he turned and looked towards her, frowning immediately and looking towards me.

I sighed, "We need to talk," Carlisle, of course, nodded, "In private."

We took the elevator three floors up to Carlisle's office where Alice and Jasper explained everything. The girl. The children. The bodies. How we would have to leave immediately. He gave me a hard stare, then shook his head, seemingly guilty.

This wasn't his fault, it was mine.

Isabella Swan and twenty or so others are dead because of me. Because of her! Her blood smelled so incredible. If only she hadn't smelled so good, this wouldn't have happened. If I had more control, she would still be alive.

How was I going to get myself out of this one?

I couldn't.


	2. Dead!

**A/n:** not much to say today, except thanks to everyone who reviewed on the last chapter.

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"_Did you get what you deserve? The end, and if your life won't wait, Then your heart can't take this. Have you heard the news that you're dead?"_ – Dead! My Chemical Romance. 

I'm not dead, I'm not dead, I'm not dead.

I had the strange urge to squeeze my eyes shut and click my heels together and repeat those three words. But I wasn't in Kansas, I didn't have a dog named Toto and I certainly didn't have those cool sparkly red shoes that Dorothy had.

I'm not dead. I can't be dead.

But I am, because I'm staring down at my body right now and it looks pretty lifeless to me. The fact that I don't have any blood in me hasn't exactly registered yet. And the fact that Edward Cullen just slaughtered our entire Biology class hasn't quite sunk in either.

Edward was sitting in the corner by our lab table, his head in his hands and he looked to be shaking. He kept repeating the word, shit, over and over again. I didn't blame him. Nope. The kid just murdered me. Well, obviously he was no kid, but what _was_ he? I was going for a vampire at this point, and I honestly wasn't surprised. Nothing can really surprise the newly dead girl.

What am I still doing here, anyway? Aren't I supposed to be in heaven or something? Maybe I'm a ghost. Nah, that'd be too cliché. A sort of Limbo maybe? Hm, this could get complicated. Very interesting…but complicated all the same. And very hard to explain.

Suddenly that pixie girl – Alice, I think – and the blonde guy, Jasper, burst into the room, frantically looking around for what I assumed was their brother.

"Edward?" Alice asked but her eyes fell on my body and she let a little squeak escape her lips. "Oh my god, Edward, what have you done?"

She didn't even seem phased by the rest of the classroom, just me. Which I found utterly intriguing because since when was I so interesting? Since when I was more important than the other twenty kids in this classroom?

Alice kept shaking her head like she was disappointed or something. I must have been missing a key point of information because I had no idea what was really going on here.

Jasper's eyes swept across the room, and finally landed on me. Well, my body, anyway.

I must have missed something while watching Jasper, because suddenly the three siblings were leaving the room and Edward locked the door behind him. I followed close behind as Edward and Alice walked to the parking lot and to his silver Volvo and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett met them. It amazed me how all five of them fit in that tiny car. Especially that Emmett kid, he was huge.

Edward drove in silence to the local hospital, where the five teens exited the car and proceeded into the emergency room. Edward and Alice led the group to a young doctor, who I could only assume was their father, Carlisle Cullen. I glanced at his embroidered white coat and sure enough, I was right.

"Carlisle," Alice was the first to speak.

The man turned around, seemingly calm. I gathered that he was expecting this. Maybe someone called.

"We need to talk," Edward finally spoke. "In private."

Without another word, Carlisle led everyone to a set of elevators and stepped inside the first available. I slipped inside behind them.

Much to my surprise, Edward stayed quiet while Jasper and Alice explained the situation. Carlisle's face stayed completely blank throughout the elevator ride as he took in every amount of information that was given to him.

They went quiet as the doors opened and Carlisle led the way to his office at the end of the hall.

"So what do we do?" Emmett asked as soon as the door was shut.

"We leave," Carlisle stated. "And we cover our tracks as best we can."

I had had enough. I didn't want to know how they were going to cover up the murders of twenty plus people in a biology lab at the local high school.

I went to go check on Charlie. He was bound to hear about this by now.

I got to the police station as Charlie was being informed about a mass casualty situation at the high school. He would be filled in on the details at the scene.

The first thing he thought about was me. Was I alright? Was I alive?

Unfortunately, only minutes later, he found out that these questions were a straight no. I wasn't okay. I wasn't alive.

The grief was immediate. There was no way to stop it. But Charlie shoved it down and put on his game face. He was the chief of police, after all. His colleagues couldn't possibly see him break down on the job. I think that was harder on him than anything else.

I sat in the passenger seat of his cruiser as he drove down the highway toward the school. As my father passed the student parking lot he caught sight of my truck. He gripped the steering wheel tighter and willed himself not to start crying.

"I'm so sorry I did this to you," I whispered and placed a hand on his shoulder. I knew he couldn't hear me. And I knew he couldn't feel me. But maybe, just maybe he would know that I was there for him, maybe he wouldn't blame himself for what happened.

Every paramedic and ambulance that could be spared was brought to the school immediately. Bodies in bags were being wheeled out of the classroom on stretchers by men in biohazard suits.

I left Charlie's side when he started reviewing a list of the dead with another officer. I didn't need to hear the names of all the people I had indirectly killed. I knew that Edward had killed them all, but it was my fault in the respect that they only died for having witnessed my death.

I didn't dare go back in the classroom. Nothing could make me go back in there. I did, however, sneak a peak through the windows. The room was swarming with biohazard suits and stretchers and body bags. I wondered what the suits were for. Maybe this was how the Cullens were "covering their tracks".

As I turned the corner to catch up with Charlie, I saw the police tape sectioning off the classroom. They must have cleared out all the bodies. I glanced back at line of ambulances and wonder briefly which one held mine.

People were gathering at the edge of the yellow tape now. Some were leaning forward, curious to know what was going on. Others were standing further back, holding one another and crying. There was a mixture of emotions, but the one that dominated was pity. I know it sounds strange, but it's true. The saddest part was, it was mostly directed at my father.

News crews were fighting for the better view of the scene. It was almost disgusting to watch, but I did. Especially when one brave news reporter asked for an interview with the chief. They were bound to ask questions about his one and only daughter. This wouldn't go well, I could tell.

"Chief!" The reporter yelled. "Chief Swan! May we have a word with you?"

Charlie stopped for a moment to compose himself and then accepted.

The camera crew went right to work, sending the live feed back to the studio to broadcast all over Forks and the surrounding towns.

I didn't catch the beginning of the interview, but I figured it was mostly boring stuff, anyway.

"Has there been any word on the cause of the deaths?"

My father cleared his throat. "The official cause of death has not been determined, but from what we've been told by Hazmat, we're looking at a toxic chemical spill."

So that's how they're covering up this particular vampire attack. Interesting.

"There is no word on how the chemicals got into the lab, but tests are being done on everything and answers should be coming along shortly."

The reporter nodded. "Could this be some kind of terrorist attack?"

"Oh no," Charlie shook his head. "That's very unlikely. It was probably just a mix up at one of the companies at the school buys their supplies from. An innocent mistake."

I wondered if he was trying to convince himself just as much as everyone else that was listening to him talk.

"There is word that your own daughter was one of the victims today."

And here it comes. I wished she wouldn't have mentioned that. This situation was hard enough on Charlie.

He almost lost all composure right there. I could see the tears that wanted to fall from his eyes. I could see the hurt emanating from him. And I had caused this; I had done this to my own father.


	3. Breathless

**A/n:** alrightly then. this chapter is completely unedited because i'm really busy at the moment and i won't be able to update tomorrow and probably not Wednesday either. so yeah sorry about that.

i don't have good authors notes anymore. this sucks. oh! the new Anberlin CD comes out tomorrow. you guys totally have to buy it, its amazing. anyways, thanks for the reviews. you guys are awesome.

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"_Watch her go, watch her go, watch her go, She'll have to cut it away to save her life. And she knows, see she knows, It's like a fatal disease…"_ – Breathless, Acceptance. 

Forks made national headlines the next day. People from The New York Times and CNN and anything you could think of were flocking into the little town like bears to honey.

I had stayed with Charlie until he cried himself to sleep in my bedroom that night. I didn't see him after that. I couldn't stand to feel his pain. I just couldn't handle it, knowing I was the cause.

I decided I might as well stay with Edward and his family, they seemed entertaining enough. I was amazed at how easy it was to find their house in the middle of the woods. I got there just as everyone was starting to pack up.

I didn't know exactly where Edward's room was located, so I decided to just check every one. I slowly made my way up the stairs – I still wasn't used to not being clumsy – and came to Alice and Jasper's room first.

"Honey, it'll be okay," Jasper whispered and held Alice close.

She looked to be crying, but there were no tears in her eyes. "If I had gotten there sooner," she sniffled. "I could have stopped him. I could have prevented this."

How could she have known this would happen? I was confused. Wasn't Alice in a classroom halfway across campus when Edward killed me? It's not like she could see the future or anything.

Jasper sighed. "Alice, you can't blame this on you. You said so yourself that Edward was changing his mind every few seconds. You're visions were coming so rapidly. You couldn't have known what his choice was until the last minute."

Okay, so maybe she could see the future. That was interesting.

"But I could have stopped him," she sputtered. "I had enough time to do it."

Alice needed to stop blaming herself. This wasn't her fault. I wanted to tell her, but I knew she wouldn't hear. It was impossible. I groaned in frustration. This whole being dead thing wasn't working out for me so far. It had some advantages, but they were very few in comparison to the drawbacks.

One plus: I could feel everything that Jasper was feeling at that moment. There were too many emotions in him for them to just be his. He had to be an empath of some kind. It wouldn't surprise me since Alice seemed to be a clairvoyant who knew that Edward was going to kill me.

I decided it was time to stop eavesdropping on this conversation and go back to looking for Edward. I went into the next bedroom.

"…That selfish bastard!" Rosalie roared, throwing a book across the room for Emmett to catch. "He knew what the consequences of this would be. He _knew_ we would have to leave."

"Rose," Emmett said softly, placing the book in its box. "It was an accident."

"Accident my ass!" She seethed. "He did this on purpose!"

Emmett shook his head and his eyes grew dark. "Don't you _dare_ start blaming him for this. You've made mistakes before and he's forgiven you. The least you could do is extend him the same courtesy."

"_I_ never slaughtered an entire high school science class! And don't tell me that that doesn't matter. Because it does, Em. It does. You can't possibly tell me that you're not sad that we're leaving. I know how much you loved it here."

"Rose, how many times have we had to relocate because_ I_ slipped up?" Emmett asked, his eyebrows raised.

Rosalie didn't answer. I guessed that Emmett had slipped a few more times than Edward had.

"Don't be so hard on him. He's doing that enough for all of us," he continued. Rosalie just nodded and slipped into a hug with Emmett.

"I love you," she whispered.

He kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too."

…Okay, moving on. I walked down the hall to the next door and went inside.

"He's being too hard on himself. If he was human he'd give himself an ulcer," a woman said, shaking her head and placing a pile of clothes in a box on the bed.

"You know that's just his character, Esme," Carlisle replied from the other side of the room.

The woman – Esme – sighed. "I hate to see him like this, though. It just kills me that he's in pain and I can't stop it."

"The only thing we can do now is support him and hope he gets through this."

"He shouldn't be torturing himself so much. This isn't right."

"I know, honey. But it's not something we can do much about," Carlisle sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You know Edward. He'll come around in due time."

"I hope you're right…"

I sighed and shook my head. Edward was really taking this harder than I thought he would.

Actually, I never really thought about it. I just never expected that a blood thirsty vampire would hold much remorse for killing humans. Isn't that what they did when they needed to eat?

I left the room, still confused about why the hell Edward was so down and out about killing me. I finally came to the third floor of the house and just decided that I might as well try the last door at the end of the hall.

Sure enough, it was Edward's room.

I was kind of glad that no one could see me. It allowed me to take in my surroundings for a longer amount of time without being interrupted and looked at like I was some kind of freak.

Edward's room was nothing like that of his siblings. It reminded me of a music studio, with the thick golden colored carpet and heavy fabric hanging from the walls. I knew them to be for acoustics, which made sense, considering the massive sound system that lay in one of the corners. One entire wall was glass, and it looked out over a river that I was not yet familiar with.

Edward laid, still as a statue, on the only furniture in the room, a large black leather couch. His eyes were closed, and I would have thought him to be sleeping, but from what I had gathered, I was pretty certain that if a vampire couldn't cry, they couldn't sleep either. Even with his eyes shut I could see the guilt written all over his face. I had caused this and for some reason it made _me_ feel guilty. If I hadn't been in that classroom none of this would have happened.

I couldn't understand why, but as much as I wanted to hate Edward for what he did to me, I couldn't. If anything, he just intrigued me more. I wanted to know everything about this strange creature that was in front of me. I wanted to learn his secrets, his fears, his hopes and dreams.

But still, as much as I wanted to – longed to – I couldn't. He couldn't hear me, feel my presence. I couldn't talk to him and he certainly couldn't talk to me. I was at a loss. All I could do was sit back and observe.

So that's what I did. I sat on the floor in front of the couch and watched until sunrise when he finally stirred from his pseudo-slumber. And even after I saw his blood red eyes, I wasn't scared of him at all. I was just as curious as before.


	4. Mercy Me

**A/n:** so last chapter I got an interesting question from one of my reviewers. And now I'm here to answer it. What _is_ the purpose of this story? Well, it's a tragic love story, that's what it is. The purpose is to have tragedy, love and humor all wrapped up in one.

I never intended to use the summary for the story _in_ the actual story, but I started writing this chapter and it just seemed to fit. I tweaked it so it was longer and more explained, but I think it fits.

Sorry for the short chapter. You'll get over it.

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"_It's been a long day living with this, It's been a long time since I felt so sick…I used to long for time alone I used to long for a place of my own and I'm losing faith in everything…"_ – Mercy Me, Alkaline Trio.

I went to say a permanent goodbye to Charlie the next morning. I knew he wouldn't be able to respond or ever know that I said bye, but at least I would have some kind of closure. And that's exactly what I needed right now.

When I arrived at my house, my father had removed any and every kind of reminder of me. All the school pictures that were on the mantel in the living room were now shoved underneath the bed in my former bedroom. Charlie replaced the doorknob with one that had a lock, and locked the room the inside so he could never enter unless he took the effort to find the key. But we both knew he would never have the energy or desire to do so.

He was pretty much a comatose patient in his bedroom. A man from La Push – Billy Black, I assumed – had brought his son over to take care of him. His name was Jacob and for some reason I thought I should know this kid, but he wasn't very familiar to me. I silently thanked him for caring for Charlie. I was forever grateful.

I didn't know how I could still cry, but I could. And I was sobbing when I sat across from my father on his bed and told him I wouldn't be coming back. But I told him I would be alright, and he shouldn't worry about me anymore. I was in a place where nothing could hurt me. I was safe.

I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince him or me but I eventually got ahold of myself and left. For good this time.

I quickly went to check up on my mother, who was on a flight from Florida to Seattle. She was doing better than Charlie, which surprised me. Maybe she was just suppressing everything like she usually did. I think that's where I got it from. My mother and I tend to suppress unpleasant things.

I comforted her to the best of my ability, but that wasn't much. I at least tried, though. I had to give myself credit for that.

Everything was so depressing lately. I wanted something that would cheer me up, but I didn't know how to go about that. The only thing that would really cheer me up was if I was alive and I definitely wasn't getting my life back any time soon.

Of course, watching Edward mope and be all depressed wasn't helping matters. It was slightly disturbing how much my death affected him. The strangest thing was, was it was only _my_ death that mattered. He didn't even think twice about the others he killed. It was like there was something about me that made me different. I was determined to find out exactly what that was.

I watched in silence as the Cullen clan said goodbye to yet another home. I could tell they were truly saddened to leave. It made me feel even more guilty because it was my fault they were leaving.

But now that I thought of it, I didn't know exactly why I was feeling guilty. Or why I was staying with the man that murdered me. Why was I being so calm about this? It was almost like my death didn't matter; like I was meant to die and I had accepted it right off the bat. But that's exactly how it was.

My death, in my eyes, was completely acceptable under the circumstances. There was no way I could have know that Edward would kill me that day. It just something that happened. Like tripping on a crack in the concrete, or missing the game winning goal in gym. He had no control. He killed me and there was nothing I could do to stop it. There was no reason to dwell. I just had to move forward.

As the Cullen's slowly, one by one, turned around and headed to their cars, they all stole glances at Edward. All were sad, disappointed. All except Rosalie, she was still seething. I would probably never understand that girl.

Edward stayed, standing by the front steps of the massive mansion.

"Edward, we're leaving," Alice called.

"I'm coming," he whispered, taking one last look at his home. He walked as slowly as he could to Volvo and got in.

I sat beside Edward on the entire trip. If I were alive I would have been screaming at him to slow the hell down. Well, actually, I still was. This guy drove like a NASCAR driver.

We arrived in Denali shortly after sunrise the next morning. Edward followed the line of cars that held his family members up a drive to a large white house in the middle of the forest. It was much like the house in Forks – well, only with the seclusion and the white.

I trailed behind as everyone walked up to the front door where they were greeted by another group of vampires. I came to know the group of five as Carmen, Eleazar, Tanya, Kate and Irina.

I really didn't know what to do with myself after the cars were unloaded and everyone was settled, so I just sat in Edward's bedroom and stared at him. There wasn't much else I could do.


	5. The Middle

**A/n:** you know, i truly have no clue whatsoever as to why i chose this quote for this chapter. no clue. seriously.

anyways, i was gonna update tomorrow, seeing as more people would be awake then, cause its like 11:30 here and 2:30 on the east coast, so yeah. but anyways, thanks for the reviews guys.

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"_It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can. And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away. It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle…"_ – The Middle, Jimmy Eat World.

The first few months in Denali were pure torture for Edward. He sat in his room, didn't move a muscle, nothing. He only left when it was absolutely necessary that he hunt. His family, and sometimes even the Denali coven, would try to talk to him, but nothing worked. He had retreated to place within himself that only he could pull himself out of. I was worried that he wouldn't have the strength to do so, though.

I had learned quite a few things from simple observation, because well, that's all I really had. The Cullens were different from most vampires. They chose to live a life of abstinence from human blood and they only drank from animals. I had to give them credit for their self-control.

This little piece of information also opened up the door as to why Edward was so affected by my death. I now knew why he was so upset with himself. Edward was so used to being in complete control of his thirst, that he developed a sort of ego. He never slipped. But when I came along, I challenged everything. I was the one exception to his excellent control.

Anyways, watching Edward constantly brood got old after about three weeks. I wanted to help him, I really did, but what's the dead girl supposed to do? I could only watch and hope that he got better. I could only pretend that he heard me talking to him.

So I started hanging out with various members of the family. I would look over Jaspers shoulder as he read in the library. I accompanied Alice on her shopping trips. Emmett and I watched TV and played video games. I observed Carlisle at work and I watched Esme design the new house they were going to build.

I usually steered clear of Rosalie. She wasn't much of an interest to me. Her character just didn't appeal. Rosalie was a classic narcissist and she was much too materialistic for my taste. But her love for tinkering with cars did interest me to the point where I ignored how much I disliked her and watched her in the garage. After a few days of that I could pretty much tell you all the parts of a car engine. Though how that was going to help me in the future, I really didn't know.

I mostly stayed away from the Denali coven, too. I sometimes stayed close to Tanya or Carmen but I usually left the family on their own. They just didn't interest me the way the Cullens did.

Okay, so I have to admit that I lied when I said that I permanently said goodbye to my father. I did check up on him, once. It was right after my funeral. I had to make sure he was going to be okay. And he was. Charlie was going to get through this. I mostly had Jacob to thank for that. I was forever in his debt.

My mother was in pretty much the same shape that Charlie was. They were two broken people who had lost their one and only daughter. I didn't worry about Renee, though, because she had Phil to fall back on. Charlie had no one except his friends.

* * *

I watched in wonder as the construction of the new Cullen household began about four months after they moved to Denali. I knew from Esme's blueprints that the house was going to beautiful, but seeing it come to life in front of me was something entirely different. And the fact that a couple families of vampires were building it didn't lessen the awe I was experiencing.

Esme truly had a gift for architecture and interior design. It was such a shame that she could only share that gift with her family. Esme would be as famous as Frank Lloyd Wright if she were ever discovered.

Things were starting to get back to normal within the family. Edward was still retreated into himself, but his siblings and his parents were moving on. I was beginning to observe more and more just how much this family acted like a bunch of teenagers.

Like right now.

"Just give me the remote and I won't have to hurt you," Alice held out her hand to Emmett, who was still in his seat on the couch.

Emmett scoffed. "Like you could hurt me."

She raised an eyebrow and she said, "You really want to test me?" But what she was really thinking was, "do you not remember what happened last time?"

I'd love to see little Alice beat up on Emmett. It was probably hilarious.

"Can't we just watch sports center?"

"Nope," Alice shook her head. "Now hand over the remote."

"Please?" he begged, clutching the small device to his chest like a child.

Alice sighed. "Em, I've already seen how this is going to play out. You're going to give me that remote whether you like it or not."

But Emmett still wouldn't let go of the remote. I really wished I was alive at that moment so I could sit on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and cheer one of them on.

Alice narrowed her eyes and planted her feet further into the floor to steady herself. Before I knew it, she was flying through the air, hurdling toward her brother on the couch. And so began the infamous wrestling match of May 2005.

I watched and laughed as Alice got the upper hand on the situation. She had Emmett pinned on the ground, but the remote was still securely in his right hand. Such a shame that Alice was so short, or else she would have been able to reach it without shifting her weight too much. Suddenly Emmett had Alice pinned on the floor and he was holding her with one hand while picking himself up.

What he didn't see was Alice's leg, and she managed to trip him. Emmett fell to the ground with a big _thud_. At this point, Jasper entered the room and stood on the sidelines to watch the even take place. I stood beside him, watching the festivities and silently wondering what Edward was doing in his room.

Needless to say, Alice ended up winning. I didn't really see how, though. Especially since Esme came in and started beating them both with a broom and told them not to wrestle in the house. I didn't see how a plastic broom would hurt them, though.

Whatever. It was entertaining.


	6. Wanderer's Guild

**A/n:** so i was editing this chapter, and i realized it was a lot more depressing than i wanted it to be. but whatever, because next chapter is going to be happy. trust me, i already wrote it. XD.

i'm still getting so many questions that go a little like this: "is anyone ever going to be able to see Bella? Oh they have to!!"

the answer people, is BE PATIENT. i'm just getting things established. the plot officially begins next chapter, so just be patient, kay? thanks.

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"_You should be downstairs with them; you're wasting your time again; listen I'm fine now I don't want to talk right now. Thank you for your concern…"_ – Wanderer's Guild, Armor For Sleep.

It took six months, but he finally spoke again. I wanted to cry, I was so happy. Edward was finally getting better. He would only talk to one person, though, and that person happened to be Alice.

I didn't mind, of course, why would I? This was a land mark occasion. He was talking, forming coherent sentences with his mouth. This was good, very, very, good.

At first they didn't even talk. But I assumed that Alice had had a vision of something happening because she started hanging around Edward's room more often. I guessed that at first, he was reading her mind more than anything. They would sit in silence, watching the world from the single window in the room.

But when he finally said something, even if it was slightly trivial, it was still _something_.

So that's what it started with: pleasant conversation. Edward started asking how everyone was and Alice answered with short, to the point answers. They talked about the weather, current issues in the world. Anything that didn't have to do with Forks or me, I guessed.

The talking evolved, though. Soon Edward was sitting on his couch with his face buried in Alice's shoulder and he was confessing everything.

It was one of those situations where you know it's awkward to be listening but you're just so curious that you can't help it. You just have to know.

So I sat there, on the floor in front of the couch, and listened as Edward told Alice every minute detail of the day he killed me. As weird and demented as this may sound, I was actually more relieved than anything else. It was almost comforting to be able to see the situation from his point of view. To know how much it pained him to be talking about it.

Edward wanted, more than anything, to be able to control himself. He kept saying that I didn't deserve what happened to me. And I guess I did deserve something better than that, but you can't exactly change the past, and honestly I didn't want to. Now that he was opening, I could learn more about him, study him almost. I was now getting a chance to know the Edward Cullen that I couldn't possibly have known had I survived.

By the time that Edward was finished talking, he was sobbing into his sister's shoulder and she was gently rocking him back and forth. And that's when Alice started blaming herself again.

"I kept seeing you," she whispered. "I kept seeing your decisions. They were all different. First you wanted to kill her right then and there, no matter the consequences. And then you were opting for a more secluded place. But then your conscience kicked in, and you thought you could resist her. I remember almost being able to read your mind. You kept telling yourself that it was only one hour, you could last at least that long. But then she moved and you couldn't take it anymore."

Edward lifted his head and stared straight into Alice's eyes. He seemed confused.

"I knew you were going to do it," she clarified, shaking her head. "I knew it and I couldn't stop it. If I had gotten there, if I were a second earlier I could have stopped you."

He shook his head. "No, you couldn't have. There was no way in hell you could have stopped me and you know it. So stop blaming yourself."

"But…" she sniffled.

"No," he said, adamant. "It was my choice, my actions. I have to deal with consequences."

This conversation was seriously starting to kill my mood. As much as I wanted to stay and watch this sibling bonding, I couldn't stand it. I learned as much about what was going on in Edward's head as I wanted to know for the day. I needed to reflect.

* * *

Days and weeks passed before Edward would talk to anyone else. Alice would assure the family that everything was going to be okay, and they believed her. They had no reason not to. But even she was wary about the words that were coming out of her mouth; she didn't know if they were really based on truth.

Slowly but surely Edward finally emerged from his room. He didn't engage in any activities, but he sat in the living room and played the grand piano that was shoved in the far corner. I would sit beside him and watch his hands glide effortlessly across the keys. He never played anything happy, only sad, melancholy tunes that made me depressed. But I continued to sit next to him and listen. In some weird sort of way, I felt obligated to do so.

That was the moment that I wished beyond anything that I could talk to him. I thought that maybe if I could just speak with him, maybe he would get the picture that I was okay now and he would get better. Maybe if I told him that I didn't blame him for any of this, then he would move on. I needed to tell him that if I was alright, he should be alright too.

Maybe I was being too much of an optimist in this situation. Maybe I was being completely irrational to think that I could make a difference. I mean who I was to think that I could make Edward better? I was dead, he couldn't hear me, he could see me. There was nothing in my power that I could do to.

I was starting to feel a little helpless, to say the least. So I decided that I was going to make them see me, somehow. I knew it was possible. People see dead people all the time, right? Alice seemed like the best choice. She was the clairvoyant, after all. Maybe the future wasn't the only thing she could see.

But as much as I tried, I couldn't get her to see me. As loud as I yelled, she still couldn't hear me. I was completely invisible.

I was truly helpless.


	7. Made Of Glass

**A/n:** woot! the chapters start getting happier from here on out. yep. uhhh, yeah, i think thats about it for the day.

i'm really sad because i don't have spiffy stories to tell you guys anymore. -pouts- its cause all the cool people on here are grounded or live on the east coast and i can only talk to then when (a) they sneak on the computer at 1 in the morning on a weekend or (b) its 4 in the afternoon here and 7 in the evening in Florida. everyone i know needs to live in one time zone. i'm selfish, what can i say?

* * *

"_It could take years to find you, it could take years to find myself; And I don't need to hear your answer I just need you to see; That I think it's time to break down these walls that we throw up…Am I still breathing have I lost that feeling; Am I made of glass 'cause you see right through me…"_ – Made of Glass, Trapt.

Weeks turned into months and before I knew it, it was the beginning of September. I was supposed to be getting ready for my senior year right now. But instead, I was sitting here, on Edward's couch, waiting for him to get out of the shower. Even though I was dead I still had to respect people's privacy, no matter how curious I was.

Edward started talking to Carlisle yesterday. It was the second time since he started talking to Alice that he spoke to someone else, but the first time he had a full fledged conversation. I was truly starting to believe he was getting better. My optimism wasn't failing me for once.

I was hoping that Edward was going out today, but I couldn't be sure. I wondered what day it was anyway. I glanced over at the alarm clock on the table next to the couch – it was September 13, my eighteenth birthday.

"Happy birthday to me," I sang softly and smiled to myself. "Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday dear Bella, happy birthday to me."

How depressing, I thought. I was surely going crazy if I was singing the birthday song to myself.

Edward stepped out of the bathroom, then. He had a confused look on his face and I couldn't understand why. For a second I thought that maybe he heard me singing, but then I remembered that he couldn't possibly. I had tried everything I could months ago to get someone to notice me around this house and it never worked.

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Must be imagining things," he muttered to himself, and walked out of the room.

Huh, okay, that was severely odd, right? Yeah, I thought so.

I jumped off the couch and followed Edward downstairs were he made his way to the piano…again. I swear to god that thing was his girlfriend or something.

"Morning Edward," Kate said absently as she passed by.

"Morning Kate," he replied but she was already out of the room. Woot! He talked to someone else! Yes! Okay, I was getting way too over excited about this.

Edward turned his gaze back the piano. He placed his fingers on the keys and for the first time, I saw him falter. It was almost like he didn't know what to play, or like he didn't know how to play at all.

And then that confused look was back on his face. I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking, but I couldn't.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked. I didn't realize I had spoken aloud until Edward tilted his head in my direction. Did he just hear me? No, he couldn't have.

He shook his head once again and muttered under his breath, but this time I couldn't hear. He stared at the keys again, deliberating with himself, it seemed.

Suddenly the birthday song was playing. I frowned and looked down. It was Edward. He was playing it.

"Edward?" Alice popped her head inside the room. "What are you playing?"

He stared, incredulous, at the piano in front of him. "I have no idea."

"It sounded a lot like the birthday song. Whose birthday is it?"

"I don't know," he shrugged.

Alice raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything more.

I was beginning to think that Edward actually could hear me. It wasn't my imagination anymore. I knew it. What I didn't know, was the extent to which he could hear me.

He was still sitting at the piano, staring at the keys like they were something he had never seen before. It was the first time that I knew for sure what was going on inside his head; he was thinking he was crazy.

"Alice!" He called suddenly.

She popped her head back into the room and gave her brother a questioning look. "What is it?"

"I know whose birthday it is," he whispered.

Alice's face lit up. "Oh! Whose?"

"Bella. It's Bella's birthday."

I gaped at Edward, not because of the fact that he knew it was my birthday, but the fact that he knew to call me Bella. My entire first day of school I had been correcting people on how to say my name, and here's this kid I've never even officially met and he's saying my name correctly.

"Edward how do you know that?"

"I…I really don't know," he shook his head.

"Are you feeling okay?" Alice asked.

Edward shook his head again, "I think I'm gonna go back to my room now."

Alice nodded and watched as her brother picked himself up off the piano bench and made his way to the stair case.

* * *

I was sitting on Edward's couch, Indian style, watching him pace back and forth across the length of his room. He looked distressed, like something was bothering him. I couldn't imagine by what, though.

His frustration was actually kind of funny, and I found myself laughing a bit. Well, until he looked directly at me.

I froze instinctively even though I knew he couldn't see me. It was a knee jerk reaction. But then Edward started muttering and shaking his head.

"Oh no, I am going crazy," he kept repeating.

My eyes grew wide. "You can see me?!" I shrieked.

He looked at me again and the muttering started up again. He _could_ see me! He could definitely see me. And hear me. Oh. My. God.

I jumped off the couch and planted myself in front of him. "You can see me," I beamed.

Edward placed a hand over his eyes. "I'm going crazy…this is my conscience finally getting back at me…I…I'm going crazy."

I heaved a frustrated sigh. "Edward, you're not going crazy."

He dropped his hand. "Oh, says the delusion."

"I'm not a delusion!" I cried.

"That's what delusions always say."

This was not going well. I knew I wouldn't expect him to be instantly delighted to see the girl he murdered nine months ago, but I definitely didn't expect him to react like this. How was I supposed to make him believe that I was real?

"Edward, will you listen to me, just for a second?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why should I start listening to my hallucination?"

I groaned. "Because maybe I'm not a hallucination!"

"Bella," he sighed. "You died nine months ago."

"Yes," I nodded. "I'm fully aware of that. And I've been with you since then."

"What? You've been, like, haunting me?"

I winced at the word. "Not haunting, per say. I've been observing."

He shook his head and took a step back. "I can't believe I'm actually listening to this! Can vampires go insane? Maybe I should talk to Carlisle about this."

"Edward, please," I begged. "You have to believe that I'm not a figment of your imagination."

"And why is that?"

"Because if I was, then you would have seen me months ago. Why would I appear right when you started getting better and on my birthday?"

His face sported a curious expression. "So it is your birthday? It was you I heard singing when I was in the shower this morning?"

I smiled. "Yeah, that was me. Sorry to subject you to my horrible voice."

"Okay, so, say I do believe that you're Bella. Are you a ghost, then?"

"I don't prefer the word ghost. It provokes too many stories about haunted mansions and poltergeists. I'm just Bella without the body, that's all."

"I don't know why I'm saying this, but maybe I do believe that you're real."

"Well good," I laughed. "As long as we have that established, I do believe that we've never been properly introduced."

Edward frowned and I laughed again.

"I'm Bella Swan, you must be Edward. Nice to meet you."


	8. For Your Pleasure

**A/n:** so i've dicovered something. everytime i come up with an original story line, i get bored with it really fast and i never actually finish a story unless its a fanfic. how pathetic is that? i was thinking of creating a fictionpress account, but if i can't actually finish and original story, theres no point. i think i'm going to have to ask Keeley for help with story ideas. she's good at that kind of thing.

anyways, sorry for taking so long to update. i've been having issues lately that i'd prefer not to talk about. i'll have the next update as soon as i can but i'm not making any promises. sorry.

theres a lot of dialogue in the next few chapters, so yeah.

* * *

"_Got to get you off my conscience by Friday, On Saturday I'll be wide awake, On Sunday I'm your new best friend, On Monday learn it all again, For your pleasure, at your leisure, Use your evil, when you want…"_ – Evil, Ladytron. 

"So you're, like, dead," Edward nodded slowly, letting the information ooze into his brain.

I wanted so badly to laugh at him and tell him to get over it and talk to me like the human being I am, but then again, I couldn't exactly call myself a human being any more. Or could I? I wasn't quite sure. I decided to ignore him.

"Am I like translucent or anything? Cause I haven't looked in a mirror in a while." The genuine curiosity in my voice was apparent and Edward definitely heard it.

"No," he shook his head. "You're pretty solid, actually."

"Huh," I mused. "How interesting."

Edward's face fell suddenly and he opened his mouth to speak, but I already knew the words that were going to come out.

I held up my hand to stop him. "Before you say what I know you're going to say, I'm going to start by telling you that it isn't necessary. I forgive you."

He gaped at me. "You're serious? You forgive me for murdering you?"

I shrugged. "You didn't mean to. I've spent enough time watching you mope around here to know that you didn't mean to do it and you're truly sorry."

The gaping continued. "You should hate me."

"No I shouldn't," I countered.

"Yes, you should."

"Okay, so maybe I should, but I don't. Call me crazy but I don't think I should be chastising you for something that was out of your control."

"Okay," he nodded in agreement. "You're crazy. You're supposed to hate me. You're supposed to call me names and tell me that I should rot in hell or something."

"Do you truly want me to yell and scream and tell you that you ruined my life? Do you want me to tell you that I hope you die and I'm going to make your life a living hell?"

Edward rolled his eyes. "My life is already a living hell, but yes, I would understand if you started saying things like that. It would be the normal thing to do."

"Oh yes," I said sarcastically. "Because I'm _so_ normal to begin with."

"How do you mean?" he frowned.

"Well for one thing I heard what you told Alice, about the whole blood thing. And honestly, if I were the least bit normal, I wouldn't appeal to you in that way. I heard you couldn't read my mind, either. That can't be normal."

"God, you are weird," he laughed, and I made a quick mental note to make him do that more often.

"Which brings me to a question," I said.

He raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything and I took that as my cue to continue.

"What's up with the whole vampire thing? There's only so much I could gather from listening in on conversations around here."

For the better part of three hours, Edward and I sat on his couch and he explained to me the logistics of vampires. He even put in the finer details, like how some vampires had special powers along with their superhuman abilities. When I asked him why some vampires had powers and others didn't, he just shrugged and said it was one of life's – or after life's, depending on how you look at it – great mysteries.

"So why do you not feed from humans, if that's what you're supposed to do?" I asked.

"It's not a matter of 'supposed to'. It's more of a matter of right and wrong."

I frowned, confused.

"Okay, just because we're dealt a certain hand of cards, doesn't mean we have to live with it, right?"

"I guess," I shrugged.

"So what's to say we have to live with murdering innocent people just because we're hungry? The alternative is just as good and keeps us civil."

"Civil?" I asked. "Does that mean that vampires that feed off humans are uncivilized?"

"No," Edward shook his head. "They can be very civilized, but they don't interact with humans so well. They're more animals than anything else."

"Oh, all right then."

"Does that answer all your questions?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Not nearly. But for today, I suppose."

We fell silent for a few moments and then I decided that I lied when I said I was done with the questions for today.

"So you really couldn't read my mind?"

Edward's face fell. "I thought you were done with the interrogation for today," he mumbled.

"I lied," I said. "Will you answer the question?"

"Can we change the subject, I'm still feeling guilty."

"Edward," I glared at him. "How many times do I have to tell you that it isn't necessary? I'm over it, you should be too."

"Please, Bella," he begged. "Change the subject."

"Fine," I huffed. "It's almost sunrise anyway. Watch it with me, will you?"

He smiled, despite the fact that I knew he was hurting inside, and nodded.

* * *

Sometime the next morning Alice came rushing into the room with a worried look on her face. I turned to Edward, who looked like he was concentrating very hard on something. 

"Whoa, Alice, slow down there and explain coherently please," he said suddenly. Oh, he was reading her mind. Right, I forgot he could do that.

Alice sighed. "I keep having these visions and you're talking to yourself."

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. Edward turned and glared at me.

"Oh come on," I said between giggles. "Like you would talk to yourself. You're not creative enough to make me up. Sorry."

"Shut up," he grumbled and faced his sister again. "I'm not talking to myself, Alice."

"Are you sure?" The worried look was still plastered on her face. "I'm here if you need me, you know. You can talk to me."

"Oh dear lord," I rolled my eyes. "She obviously doesn't realize that I've helped you more in one day than she did one week." Of course, she _didn't _know that we had talked all night and all morning, until she so rudely interrupted us. But, that's not the point.

"Bella, shut up!" Once again, he turned to glare at me.

I started laughing again. "Now she's really gonna think you're crazy. You realize that right?"

"Well you're not helping!" he spat.

"Well then ignore me for the time being. This conversation is entertaining. Please, carry on," I gestured for him to talk to Alice again.

"Oh, you're unbelievable," he muttered.

"Edward, are you okay? You're talking to yourself," Alice piped up. And again, cue the worried glances.

"I'm not talking to myself, Alice, I promise."

She raised an eyebrow. "Then care to explain?"

"It's a little complicated."

She smiled and sat on top of me, not that she noticed. But Edward winced.

I groaned and rematerialized next to the couch. "I hate it when you guys do that."

"I have all day, so explain away," Alice said.

Edward cast a sideways glance at me. "I should leave then?" I asked.

"That would be preferable," he said.

"You're talking to yourself again," I teased.

"You're never going to let me live that down," he rolled his eyes and shook head.

As I started walking out the door, I said to myself, "I wonder what Jasper's doing."

I hadn't realized I said it out loud until I heard Edward's snicker behind me.


	9. Skylines and Turnstiles

**A/n:** err, I hate this chapter with a passion, but whatever. Its more of a filler than anything. I can't figure out how to get Alice to suggest such a thing without acting so out of character. And I'm far too lazy to sit here and rewrite everything. Argg. Whatever.

Um, so basically, I know everyone is expecting the God Bless Catastrophe sequel, but I'm quitting fanfiction after this story is over. I only started writing fanfics for some writing practice and its honestly gotten out of hand. Its starting to actually ruin my love for Twilight.

I'm going to have to agree with Keeley on this one; Twilight fanfiction is a total joke. Sorry kids. More than half the stories on here, okay scratch that, like 99 percent of the stories on here are a complete waste of time, have no creativity and are written so horribly I want to cringe. When this story is over I'll post the link to my fictionpress profile and you guys can start reading my original work if you like. I might even post some of the poems I got published.

Keeley says this chapters good, so i'm going to trust her on that one.

* * *

"_You're not in this alone. Let me break this awkward silence. Let me go, go on record. Be the first to say I'm sorry. Hear me out, And if you take me down Or would you lay me out And if the world needs something better Let's give them one more reason now, now, now…"_ – Skylines and Turnstiles, My Chemical Romance.

I only heard second hand what Edward and Alice talked about, but after hearing both sides of the story I decided that Alice still thought Edward was crazy. I wasn't going to tell him, of course, because I was fairly certain that he already knew what she thought. I still felt kind of bad for him though.

Even though his family was beginning to believe he was actually losing it, Edward didn't stop talking to me. That's pretty much what we did for days on end. And although he never truly got over his morbid fascination with apologizing to me, he was very good company to be around. It was nice to talk to someone again.

And I really was helping him. Edward was leaving his bedroom for longer and longer intervals now. He spoke to every member of the family, even engaged in activities with them. I would follow him around, even if he specifically told me to get lost for the time being, and watch him interact with the people he loved.

I had to admit, I was starting to get jealous. This family, these people, they were the most loving individuals I had ever seen in my life. I hated to admit this, and I was never going to utter it out loud, but if I were alive I would definitely want to be a part of this family. There was no doubt about it in my mind.

Edward was lying out on his couch, and I was sitting on the floor staring at him. He hadn't said a word for at least fifteen minutes. I was starting to get a little worried.

"Edward?" I raised an eyebrow. "You okay?"

"Shh," he scolded. "I'm listening."

"To what? The silence?"

"No," he said. "Alice and Carlisle."

"What're they saying?"

He shrugged. "They're trying really hard to block me out of their heads. But I keep getting bits and pieces of the conversation. And they're being too quiet for me to hear."

"Well," I urged. "What pieces of the conversation are you getting?"

"I think they want to send me to a mental hospital."

"You're kidding right?" I laughed.

He shook his head. "I'm dead serious – no pun intended."

I rolled my eyes. "Want me to go spy for you?"

"Nah, that'd be mean."

"But maybe if I spied and then you told Alice word for word what she was saying, then she would believe that you can see me."

Edward frowned down at me. "You want everyone to know that I can see you?"

I shrugged. "I want people to think you're as sane as you actually are. I don't like that I make you seem crazy."

"That's sweet, but I really could care less."

"Liar," I said.

He raised an eyebrow but didn't give anything away that I was actually right. "Why do you say that?"

"Because you do care what they think. They're your family," I sighed. "Whatever, I'm going whether you like it or not."

"No you aren't," Edward jumped off the couch, ready to try and stop me from leaving the room.

"Yes I am. And don't come after me," I lifted myself off the ground and made my out of Edward's room and down the hall to Carlisle's office.

"Bella, please don't," he begged.

"Leaving…" I mumbled over my shoulder as I crossed the threshold into the office.

"…I'm worried about him," Alice said, probably not for the first time.

I smiled to myself and leaned against Carlisle's desk, in between the two vampires.

Carlisle sighed and shifted in his seat. "We're all worried about him, Alice. But that doesn't justify sending him away."

"Yes it does!" she argued. "He needs to get better and he can't do that if he thinks he's talking to Bella's ghost."

"I'm not saying that I believe him, but you can't tell me that you don't notice that he's better. I honestly haven't ever seen him this happy."

"It's the dementia! He's a schizophrenic vampire, I'm telling you."

"Alice, I don't think it's for you to judge your brother like that."

Alice sighed. "I know. And I feel horrible for doing it. But Edward needs help. He needs to come to terms with the fact that he _did_ kill Bella, and she _is_ gone."

"And what if this is his way of coming to terms with it?" Carlisle raised an eyebrow.

"You have a point there," she mumbled.

"Look, Alice, as much as I want to help Edward, and I know you want to too, we need to let him help himself with this one."

From the way that Edward described the conversation, I'd thought that Carlisle was ready to ship him away, too. But now that I was actually listening, I knew it was only Alice. This was so unlike her, too. I was really confused as to why she would be acting this way. I knew she wanted her brother to be okay, but I didn't know the actual lengths she would go to to 'help' him.

Carlisle sighed again. "We'll humor him for a little while longer and if it continues I'll speak with him."

Alice nodded solemnly and lifted herself from the chair she was sitting in. "I don't know how much longer I can sit back and watch my brother go insane."

"Leave him be Alice," Carlisle commanded as she walked out the door.

* * *

Edward was pacing his bedroom again. I was trying to tell him what happened yesterday when I listened in on Carlisle and Alice's conversation but he wouldn't listen to me. He was acting very childish about the whole situation, actually, and I was surprised that he wasn't sticking his fingers in his ears and going "LA LA LA" at the top of his lungs.

I think he was on the verge of doing that, though.

"You're being ridiculous. Its not like _you_ were eavesdropping," I rolled my eyes.

"I don't want to hear it Bella," he sighed. "I don't care what you tell me. I'm not relaying it back to Alice."

"But she practically betrayed you!" I shouted.

"She's looking out for me. I would do the same if I were in her place."

I raised an eyebrow. "You'd ask your father to send your sister to a mental institution because she was talking to the ghost of the girl she killed in biology class?"

Edward turned and glared at me. "Well now you really do make me sound crazy."

"I still don't understand how Alice could even suggest such a thing," I observed. "In all the time I've known her, she doesn't seem like the type of person to do that."

"You don't know her."

"Fine," I corrected. "In all the time I've observed her. But still, this isn't like her at all."

"I know," he agreed. "It's very odd, I'll give you that."

"I still think you should tell her," I said.

Edward groaned. "Oh god, not this again."


	10. Atrophy

**A/n:** the idea for this chapter goes to whichever reviewer that kept telling me to make Jasper do that thing. yeah, you know who you are.

i'm kinda indecisive about this chapter. i don't know. i had to rewrite some parts a few times and it still didn't come out the way i wanted it to. but whatever. sorry it took so long to post. swim team is ruining my life.

i originally had three quotes for this chapter, but i decided to delete one and use it for the next one. enjoy. reviews are awesome, by the way.

* * *

"_So you felt it, but you don't know; Why you can't explain at all; Why you felt it, cause you don't know; No you don't know…"_ – Atrophy, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

"_You see my ghost and you'll never forget it…"_ – The Idles of March, Silverstein.

A couple weeks had passed since I tried convincing Edward that I should tell him what Alice and Carlisle had been talking about. I'd stopped bringing it up because everytime I tried to, he'd get mad and storm off and when I'd try to follow him, I couldn't find him. Stupid vampire.

I was examining my cuticles as I walked into Edward's room. I wasn't expecting him to be in there, but much to my surprise – and though I won't freely admit it, joy – he was lying on his floor with his ear buds in his ears. His head was bobbing slowing in time with the music and his eyes were closed. He honestly looked kind of peaceful.

I turned quickly to leave the room because I didn't want to bother him, but suddenly he was calling my name. I stopped and turned around.

"Yes?" I asked.

"I think I've got an idea," he smiled.

"An idea for what?" I said suspiciously.

"For them to know I'm not crazy."

I rolled my eyes. "I told you you'd care what they think. God, no one ever listens to me. Its always, 'Bella, you're wrong; I'm not listening to you.' Blah, blah, blah."

"Were you this annoying when you were alive?" he asked.

"Oh no," I laughed. "I was quiet. And shy. Morbidly shy, actually. It was kind of sad, now that I think about it."

"Bella, you're rambling," Edward pointed out.

I perked up instantly and shut up. "So what's this idea you've got?"

"Jasper," he said simply.

"Edward, I –"

"Bella, it'll work," he smiled. He seemed so sure of what he was saying that I really wanted to believe him, but I just couldn't.

"Edward, I tried that months ago."

"He'll be able to feel your emotions, I know it."

"No he won't," I sighed. "Trust me."

"Bella, trust _me_," he said.

I held up my hands in defeat. "Fine, but this isn't going to work. You're the only one who can see me."

Twenty minutes later I was sitting on Edward's couch, still examining my cuticles and letting out an annoyed sigh every few minutes. This was useless. Jasper wasn't going to be feeling my emotions; he wasn't going to see me. But for some reason, Edward was convinced that this would work. I was humoring him, though.

Jasper sighed. "Edward, I don't know what you think I'm going to find here, but it's not working."

"Told you," I said.

"Just try harder Jasper," Edward pleaded.

He obliged, though I don't know why. I think he was just trying to humor his brother as much as I was.

Suddenly Alice was bursting into the room, looking around frantically until her eyes fell on her husband.

"What's up with her?" I finally stood up from the couch. I didn't want what happened last time to happen again. Getting sat on isn't really the best feeling in the world, if you must know.

Edward looked at me and shrugged. Guess he didn't know either. We both turned curiously to look at Alice and Jasper, who were staring each other down. Alice was fuming, but Jasper looked like he was trying to hide a smile.

"Alice?" Edward asked finally, cautiousness clear in his voice. "Jasper?"

"He believes you," she said, not taking her eyes off Jasper.

"What?" Edward and I asked in unison.

"He's believed you from the beginning. He just didn't want to tell you. He's been feeling her emotions for months."

Well, wasn't this interesting. I really wished I could punch him right now. I don't know why, I just had the overwhelming urge to do so. Like he deserved it or something.

Jasper's jaw tightened, "She's really annoyed right now, by the way."

"Well isn't this just great," I huffed. "Thanks a lot Jasper." Then I remembered that he couldn't hear me, he could just feel me. Wow, did that sound wrong.

"Is it true?" Alice asked, her voice changing. She wasn't mad anymore; she was truly curious but sad at the same time. I wasn't sure why, though. "Is she real?"

Jasper nodded slowly. "I didn't think anything of it at first. I thought it was someone lurking around the property. But I would have smelled blood if someone living was stalking through the snow around here. And when you told me that Edward was delusional, I knew he wasn't. I knew he was telling the truth."

Edward frowned. "How did you keep this from me? I would've noticed if you were blocking me out all the time."

"You know better than anyone in this family how ADD I can get. I'm very good at distracting myself," he paused for a second, then looked curiously in my direction. Wait, I thought he couldn't see me. "Bella's mad. At me, I presume."

"You got that right," I muttered.

"Bella, be nice," Edward scolded. I glared at him.

"Do you know how hard it was finding out that no one could hear me, no one could see me? I had to watch for almost eight months while you were being all depressed and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. You know what I did for three days straight? I was yelling at Jasper. For three freaking days! And he knew I was there!" Edward winced and lowered his head. "This isn't your fault Edward. If mister 'I can feel Bella, but I don't want to tell anyone about it' over there _had_ actually said something, things would be a lot different right now."

"Edward, what's she saying?" Alice asked.

"She's definitely mad at Jasper," Edward answered.

"Pissed is more like it," I said.

"Fine," he said, "she's pissed."

Jasper turned and looked directly at me again. Seriously, how did he do that if he couldn't see me? "I'm sorry, Bella. I really am."

"Yeah," I laughed without humor. "Sincerity was reeking from every word you spoke."

Edward winced again. "She doesn't believe you."

"You're damn right I don't," I sighed. "I'm leaving. Have fun convincing the rest of your family."

"Bella, no!" Edward yelled. "Don't leave. Please."

I stopped by the door but I didn't turn around. Why did I stop walking? I had no idea. It was more of an automatic reaction.

"Thank you," he almost whispered.

"You know what I don't get?" I asked, my back still turned to the others in the room.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Alice only believes you now because of Jasper. She would have never believed you otherwise," I paused for a second and then continued. "Sucks, doesn't it? That a few weeks ago your sister was willing to ship you off to a mental hospital because she thought you were insane, but the second her husband believes you, she does too."

"Don't say that, Bella."

I finally turned around and raised an eyebrow. "It's true, though."

"What's your point?"

I shrugged and turned back to the door. "I don't know what my point is, I'm just telling you the truth." And I left the room.


	11. Its Beginning To Get To Me

**A/n:** I seriously had this chapter half written and then I deleted the entire thing and started over. That's how much it sucked. You should be glad that I care enough to do that. Yeah, be grateful.

this actually took longer to write than i thought it would, but its finished. yay. not the story, silly, the chapter. goodness. i think theres two more chapters left, though, and then this will be over. so yeah, thanks for everything guys. you rock.

* * *

"_I tried to tell you before I left. But I was screaming under my breath. You are the only thing that makes sense. Just ignore all this present tense…"_ – It's Beginning to get to Me, Snow Patrol.

I didn't expect Edward to chase after me. But he did. I wasn't even halfway down the hall before he was convincing me that I needed to talk to him in private. I honestly don't remember how he did it, but I do remember looking into his eyes. Maybe that's what it was.

The only empty rooms at the moment were Alice and Jasper's room and Carlisle's office. Carlisle's office was closer, so Edward chose that one and told me go inside. I sighed dramatically, even though I wasn't going to put up a fight, and walked through the door.

"You know it's really rude to just leave your brother and sister in your room alone," I said, making a desperate attempt to keep the subject off of my outburst.

"They'll live," Edward replied. "Now talk. What's up?"

Edward gave me this look that just made me want to say everything that was on my mind, but I couldn't form the words. They were all there; it's just that they were stuck between my head and my vocal chords.

"Bella? I'm waiting."

"I –" this wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Well, actually I never really thought about it before, so I guess it isn't easier or harder in any sense of the words.

Edward raised an eyebrow and waited for me to continue.

I sighed heavily. "It just sucks, you know? I mean, here I am trying for almost two months to get someone to notice me so I can tell you to stop being so depressed all the time, because seriously, the depressed emo kid look does nothing for you. And I try and I try to get Alice or Jasper or _someone _to acknowledge my presence and no one will. And then I find out that Jasper's known all along. That really sucks. And the fact that Alice believes you now just because Jasper does, that doesn't seem right. She should have believed you in the first place if you trusted her enough to confide in her."

"Bella, I don't care how she came to believe me, I just care that she does."

"It still sucks," I pouted.

"Yeah," he agreed, "it does. But there isn't anything I can do about that now, and there isn't anything you can do either."

"I should probably accept Jasper's apology. Shouldn't I?"

Edward shrugged. "Only if you want to. That's your choice, not mine."

I shrugged and started for the door, to go apologize to Jasper for being such a – dare I say it? – bitch to him, but I stopped and turned to face Edward again.

"Why did you come after me?"

"What do you mean?" he frowned.

"When I left your room. Why did you come after me instead of staying with Alice and Jasper? Why didn't you let me leave?"

Edward averted his eyes to the floor like he was being shy or something. It was cute almost. "I really don't know."

"Sure you do," I said. "Come on, you can tell me. I promise I won't laugh."

He shrugged and kept his eyes focused on his shoes. "I just didn't want to see you leave. I don't know how to explain it, but when you said you were leaving, the first thought that came to my mind was that I was going to lose you forever. And for some reason, I don't want that to happen. I don't want you to leave."

I smiled involuntarily. "So you're saying you actually want to keep me around, then?"

"Bella, I love you, why wouldn't I want you to stay?"

"What?" my eyes widened.

Did he just say what I thought he said? He just said he loved me. Oh god, holy crap. Can dead people sleep? Because maybe I was having an amazingly real dream and I would wake up any minute and I would be in Edward's room or something and none of this would have happened. This was way too good to be true. Someone like Edward would never love me, dead or alive.

But the funny thing was, I loved him too. It was like some sick, twisted, mutilated form of Stockholm Syndrome or something. But it was true nonetheless. I loved Edward. It felt so right too, like I was meant to feel this way about him. Like I was meant to stand here in Edward's father's office and confess my undying – or dying, considering I _was_ dead – love for him.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively. He hadn't said anything for a couple minutes now and I was starting to get a little worried.

"Did I just say that out loud?"

I laughed a little. "Yeah, you did."

"Oh boy," he sighed. "I usually don't blurt stuff out like that. I'm usually more collected than that."

"Yeah, I noticed. But you don't take it back, right? You meant what you said?" There was a slight desperation in my voice, like I was expecting him to say it was just a slip of the tongue and he really didn't love me. And I sort of was expecting it. This was too good to be true.

Edward raised his eyes to meet mine and he didn't have to reply. I saw it there, the love. He really did love me.

If this were a normal situation I would have been embarrassed beyond belief that I was about to say what I was going to say. But I wasn't shy right now. I knew, with such a conviction that I even scared myself that I loved Edward Cullen. It was a strange epiphany to have at this point in time, considering we could never be together in the way I wished we could. But as long as Edward was there, and I could be with him, I knew that I could say, "I love you too," without feeling like a complete imbecile.

I hadn't even realized I'd said it out loud until Edward smiled so wide I thought something would surely break. I wondered idly if I could still blush, and if I could I wondered if I was. I could feel another smile creeping its way onto my lips and I didn't stop it. This was something to smile about. Most definitely, it was.

* * *

Jasper kept quiet about what he felt between Edward and me. I was surprised, to say the least. I kind of expected him to tell Alice or something, especially since we didn't even talk to him about it. I guess there's something different about being in love with a dead girl, and a dead girl being in love with a vampire. Of course, considering that vampires are technically dead, Jasper couldn't say anything since he loved Alice. I was just a different form of dead.

Alice had taken to asking Jasper if I was in the room, and if I was she would start talking to me. I thought it was cute, but I felt bad that she could never hear my responses. Edward would talk for me sometimes, if he was with me at the time, but Alice usually only talked when it was me and her. I could tell that if I were alive, we would have been great friends.

It was a little awkward at first, knowing how Edward felt. I don't know how to explain it. It just felt like he told me a secret that I wasn't supposed to know and now I was supposed to keep it secret too. Not that I could tell anyone, but still.

Edward and I hung out with the family a lot now. Like right now. I was sitting in between him and Emmett and Emmett still couldn't figure out why Edward was sitting for far away from him.

"I'll crush her, though," Edward insisted for the millionth time.

"You won't crush me, per say. I'll just dematerialize, or whatever it is I do and then I'll come back together," I said, smiling up at him.

"Shh, you're not helping," he mock glared at me. I shrugged; it wasn't like anyone else could hear me anyway.

"Crush who?" Emmett asked.

"Bella," Edward, Alice and Jasper all said at the same time.

"She's sitting next to you," Jasper clarified.

Emmett looked at what was an empty couch cushion to him and then got a sort of terrified look on his face. I couldn't help it, I started laughing.

"She's laughing at you," Edward informed, trying hard himself not to laugh.

"Tell him not to be scared, it's not like I have the plague or anything," I said.

Edward relayed my statement and Emmett calmed down a bit, but he was a little stiff and clutched the end of the couch for dear life the entire time we watched TV.

"Emmett's scared of me, isn't he?" I asked later when Edward and I were alone.

Edward chuckled a little. "Yeah, he's terrified."

"Aw, that's so cute. You'd never think that someone that big would be afraid of a little ghost like me. I'm harmless."

"I don't think I'll ever fully understand Emmett," Edward shook his head. "He has the most irrational fears. Like spiders. If there's a spider within twenty feet of him, he'll freak out."

"Are you serious?" I asked between gasps of air and laughter.

"Oh yeah," Edward said, deadpan. "It's quite entertaining. How he ever goes into the forest I'll never know."


	12. Antidote for Irony

the authors note is at the end of the chapter this time.

* * *

"_The day will come and it kills me That the thing that I gave you Will take you away from here I need a chance to catch my breath I know the only thing that can take away our fear…"_ – Antidote for Irony, So They Say.

Edward was out hunting with Emmett and Rosalie for the weekend. I never realized how boring it was without him here. I didn't know what to do with myself.

Jasper was reading some boring book that made me want to die all over again, so sitting in his study and reading along with him was out of the question. How he ever found it be entertaining, I don't think I'll ever know.

Carlisle was pulling a double shift at the hospital and I didn't want to hang out with sick people all day, so that was out. Esme was doing her weekly cleanup of the house, which didn't take as long as she expected because the house was already spotless.

And Alice…well, she was no where to be found. I thought maybe she went with Edward last minute, but maybe she out shopping with Kate from the Denali coven or something, but then again, I could be wrong. I would have asked Jasper, because surely he would know, but there was the little problem of him only being able to feel me and not hear me.

So I pretty much sat in Edward's room doing nothing for two days. I never thought being dead could be so boring. I thought about visiting Charlie real quick, but then I remembered the promise I made to myself that I wouldn't bother him anymore and let him move on. So going back to Forks would break that promise, and I didn't like breaking promises.

Losing track of time was surprisingly easy, once I got bored enough. Before I even realized it, it was Sunday night and Edward was due back any minute. And that was when I finally noticed now much I missed him. Before, I had been so bored that I guess I didn't think about it, but now that I was expecting him, it almost physically pained me to have him gone.

I pretty much ran to the front door when I heard it open. Emmett was the first to enter. I kind of found it weird that he looked paler now than he did when he left. I didn't even know vampires could get any more white. Apparently so.

I figured it was nothing of consequence, but when Edward and Rosalie walked into the house, practically falling over each other laughing, I decided to ask questions.

"What's going on?"

"Emmett….spider…running," Edward managed through his laughter.

Poor Emmett, he ran into a spider. I wanted to laugh at him, but then again I knew how he felt. But I had a fear of needles, not spiders. I had the strange urge to go over and hug him. I wished I could.

I shook my head and started for the stairs again. I figured I might as well give Edward some time to calm himself down. By the time I got to the top floor of the house, though, he was running after me.

"Hey," he said, slowing down to come into step with me.

"Hi," I turned my head, smiled sweetly and turned away again.

We were at his room by now. I walked ahead a little and entered first and then Edward came in and shut the door behind him.

"How was hunting?" I asked, trying to make small talk. For some reason I was feeling awkward around him today. I didn't know why. It was like the love struck teenager bit was finally catching up to me or something.

"I did a lot of thinking," Edward replied, taking a seat on his couch.

"Thinking?" I said. "About what?"

"Us."

I knew it shouldn't have bothered me, but suddenly I felt like I was on roller coaster and we were going down the first drop. But at the same time I was rejoicing because he actually said 'us' as if we were a couple or something.

Edward must have seen my face fall, because suddenly he was standing in front of me, forcing me to look into his eyes. "It's nothing bad," he assured me. "I promise."

I didn't trust my voice right then, so I just nodded and tried to smile.

A few minutes later, I finally regained usage of my vocal chords. "So, what were you thinking about again?"

Edward smiled and beckoned me over to sit with him on the couch. "I was thinking of a way for us to be together."

I frowned, confused. "We are together."

He rolled his eyes, "I mean, _really_ together."

"Edward," I sighed, "you know as well as I do that that's impossible."

"No it's not," he shook his head.

I sighed again. "The only way you and I could truly be together was if you actually died, or I miraculously came back to life. And even then there wouldn't be the certainty that we'd see each other."

Edward got this glint in his eyes then, and I knew for sure that he was up to something. I didn't like it. Not at all.

I was frowning again, but this time from worry. "Edward, what's going on?" I asked.

A smile spread onto his face. "It may be a difficult process, but vampires can die."

I blinked. "What?" I wasn't fully grasping the concept.

He couldn't possibly be serious, could he? Was he suicidal? The smile on his face didn't disappear. Oh God, he really was suicidal. This was all my fault. If I hadn't come along none of this would have happened.

"Edward, you've lost it!" I shrieked. "You need professional help. Go talk to Carlisle, or Alice, or someone!"

"I don't need help, Bella," he said. "Well, except for the dying part. But that's it."

"Okay, clearly you do," I nodded furiously. "You're talking about killing yourself here. You do realize that your family will never let you out of this house; you'll never be able to pull it off."

"See, that's where you're wrong. My family is currently getting ready to go on an extended hunting trip, one that I won't be going on because I just got back from hunting."

"And what about Emmett and Rosalie? They were with you, remember?" I was trying everything in my power to find the weak link in his plan. Something to keep him from trying to kill himself. Anything to stop him from leaving.

"Emmett and Rosalie are going to upstate New York to look at houses this week."

"Edward," I pleaded. "You can't do this. Please, please, don't do this."

"Bella, we can finally be together! We won't have to worry about anything."

I sighed. "We're together right now! We're immortal together, right this instant! Just think of it this way: we can be with each other forever, and you don't have to worry about changing me into a vampire or anything like that."

"Just talking to you isn't enough, I want more. I want to truly be with you."

"Edward, you're talking crazy here. What if Alice Sees you before you even leave, huh? Have you thought of that? She won't let you go."

"Alice isn't a problem. I've made my decision, Bella," he sighed. "I'm going to Italy."

Italy?! What the hell was in Italy? Oh god, Edward went of the deep end. This was what I was afraid of from the beginning. I had to stop him somehow, but I couldn't think of a way. I couldn't just stand by and watch the man I loved kill himself just to be with me. It was way too Romeo and Juliet for my liking.

I had to stop him. But how?

* * *

**A/n:** so guys, bet you have a lot of questions. the first that i know everyone is going to ask, is about Alice.

we all know that Alice is extra sensitive to non-humans and her family because she's so attuned to them. but she doesn't necessarily see everything. she can't. that wouldn't work out too well. and who decides if her visions are of consiquence or not? why should all her visions involve something catastrophic and life changing? so, that's why Alice doesn't see Edward going to Italy to kill himself.

also, this story is priority right now because its only got one chapter left. so if i don't update Call This a Prelude for a while, you'll know why. my life is really hectic and just overall annoying right now and i'm being ambushed by emotions i wish would stay dormant. ugh. anyways, this might be the last update for a while. sorry guys. i wish i could work my schedule around writing, since i love doing it so much, but it just doesn't work that way when you have SATs and school and college to worry about.

oh, and one more thing. don't hate me.


	13. DismantleRepair

**A/n:** please, please, please don't shoot me. i know this chapter has taken forever and a day to get out, but once i got back from spring break, i was so behind on everything at school that i had to make it up and whatnot. life has a tendency of getting in the way of things.

so, since this chapter has taken so long to get out, i decided to split it up into two. and this way it gives me more time to perfect the last chapter. hehe. um, there was so much more i wanted to say, but now i'm just coming up blank. so yeah, thanks so much for being patient. you guys are amazing. oh, and reviews are just as cool.

* * *

"_Oh, things are going to change now for the better. And oh, things are going to change. Hands, like secrets, are the hardest thing to keep from you; Lines and phrases, like knives, your words can cut me through; Dismantle me down (repair!) You dismantle me…"_ – Dismantle.Repair, Anberlin.

There was no use in my trying to get someone to notice me now. I wouldn't be able to tell them what Edward was planning anyway. So I did the only thing I could: I begged him to do what he was going to do.

Nothing worked. The entire airplane ride I sat beside him, yelling, screaming, begging, pleading, anything. Nothing was helping. He wouldn't even look at me. I was hopelessly trying to keep the love of my life from truly dying and taking himself away from me forever.

I couldn't allow this to happen. Edward had finally gone insane, and it was all my fault. I shouldn't have stayed with him in the first place. I should have stayed with Charlie, or maybe Renee. Just someone other than Edward and his family. He wouldn't be in this situation now if I hadn't been there for him to see, to fall in love with. Maybe, just maybe someone in Italy would be able to see me the way that Edward sees me. The chances of that, though, were next to impossible. And I knew that all too well.

"Edward," I begged for one last time. "Edward, please just listen to me."

And for the first time in almost eight hours, he looked at me. He gave me his full, undivided attention…and I was completely speechless. I couldn't think of a thing to say. I couldn't think of anything to try to convince him that this was the stupidest idea in the history of stupid ideas.

The only thing that escaped my lips was, "I love you," and then I gave him this pleading look that I hoped would make him reconsider. But he just shook his head and turned back to staring at the seat in front of him.

Edward never even told me _where_ in Italy he was going. Or exactly _why_. I knew he was going there to die; it was the only certain thing I was aware of. But why he needed to go all the way to Europe to do so, I was still clueless. But I followed, nonetheless, as he exited the airplane, and rented a car and drove through the Tuscan landscapes.

So, Tuscany. At least I knew the general area we were located in. Not that it was any real help to me, but I did like being able to place where I was. It made me feel a little more secure. I think Edward had more to do with that than anything, though. If I was with him, I was home.

I sat beside him, watched him focus on nothing but the road in front of him.

"Will you speak to me now?" I finally asked. I was being hopeful that he would. I missed his voice more than I'd like to admit.

He turned to me briefly, a grim expression on his beautiful face. "You should have waited at home for me." Oh, so now he was telling me this. Good job, Edward, tell the girl _after_ she follows you halfway around the world.

"Why? It's not like you're coming back. You're leaving me remember?" The words came out of my mouth a little harsher than I intended – and without me thinking about them, really – but they got the job done.

Edward winced a little, but quickly regained his composure. He turned back to the road. "I'm not leaving you, Bella. I'm joining you."

"No. You're not!" I yelled suddenly. For some reason I was instantly furious. I mean, how could he do this to me? "If you love me even a fraction of how much you say you do, then you won't do this. You'll turn this car around and you'll get on a plane and you'll go home to your family, where you belong." I said everything in one big, jumbled mess, but somehow, he understood me.

"I belong with you," he said.

I rolled my eyes. "As much as I'm flattered by that statement, and as much as I really want to be with you, it just can't happen. You're supposed to stay alive. You're supposed to live for eternity with me by your side."

"I'm meant to die, Bella. Just like I was supposed to back in 1918," he let out another sigh, but this time it was much more frustrated. "I'm not discussing this with you any more."

"Fine," I huffed and folded my arms across me chest. "But will you at least answer one question?"

Edward raised an eyebrow curiously. "Depends…"

"Where are we going, _exactly_?"

"Volterra," he told me, like I should have already known. I wanted to slap him upside the head for using that tone with me, but I knew that even if I could, I wouldn't.

"And what's in Volterra?"

Edward eyed me curiously, and I knew exactly what he was thinking. He was debating on whether he should call me out on the fact that I asked more than one question or if he should just answer it.

"The Volturi live in Volterra," he answered. I opened my mouth to ask something else, but Edward held up a hand. "And before you ask, the Volturi are like the vampire royal family. They enforce the laws of our kind."

Suddenly, things were starting to click into place. "…And they're powerful enough to kill you." it wasn't a question, though Edward still nodded in acknowledgment.

"Any vampire is strong enough to kill another vampire, it's just that the Volturi have a guard, specially trained to kill vampires as efficiently and as fast as possible," he explained.

I didn't know what to say in response to that. I didn't think there was anything appropriate except maybe to beg him some more not to do this. But I told him I wouldn't discuss that subject with him any longer, so I stayed silent, and I stayed that way until the great walls that surrounded Volterra loomed into view in front of us.


	14. Awkward Last Words: refurbished

**A/n:** so i know i said i wasn't going to write the last chapter to this story. but i got such massive feedback from that authors note, that i just felt so bad. one fan even went as far as to actually write the chapter for me. so i'd like to thank Sweetly Sarcastic for emailing me her version of the chapter and letting me use it. well, i only actually used one paragraph, let's see if you guys can spot it. i'll give you guys a hint, its sort of in the beginning.

and i'm not going to delete the authors note before this, so you guys can still review and tell me how much you love me or hate me for actually writing the chapter. i'm really sorry for disappointing most of you, and i hope this makes up for it.

i want to thank you guys again, for being amazing and actually liking what i write. it really means a lot to me. and i have to warn you, i haven't really edited this chapter because i as soon as i fininshed it i wanted to get it posted because i've been working on it for about a month and i didn't want to keep anyone waiting any longer than nescessary.

again, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, review, talk to me, swap ideas with me, and whatever else you guys do. you're what keeps me writing.

* * *

"_We're out of time and I can't breathe…I'm gonna make this work; I'm gonna change everything wrong with me; I'm gonna prove you wrong when I meet you in another life; Over again; I'm coming back around again…"_ – Awkward Last Words, Armor for Sleep.

I had never seen other vampires, aside from the Cullens. So, when we entered the Volturi head quarters (or whatever you want to call it), I honestly didn't know what to expect. Well, okay, so that's a lie. I sort of expected something along the lines of what the Cullens looked like, but these vampires…they were different.

Their entire demeanor was nothing like Edward or his family members. Their appearance was completely different as well. Their beauty was nothing godlike or celestial, as I had come to know. It was more of a fierce beauty, a frightening beauty that couldn't really be called beautiful. And the eyes. Not only were they a dark crimson or, I guess burgundy, but they held emotions that I could never, in a million years, begin to even try to explain or comprehend. To be honest, they scared the living daylights out of me. And these weren't even the leaders.

One vampire in particular, Felix I believe he was called, led Edward through a maze of brightly lit hallways. I followed, not knowing what else to do. I felt compelled to stick with Edward.

After what seemed like hours of walking – which in reality was probably no more than ten minutes – Felix came to a stop in front of two huge oak doors.

"Aro is expecting you," Felix said, and pushed the doors open. He gestured for Edward to enter the room, and so he did. "If you'll just wait a moment, Aro will be with you."

"_Please don't let this turn into something it's not  
I can only give you everything I've got  
I can't be as sorry as you think I should  
But I still love you more than anyone else could"_

Edward nodded and head toward a couch in the center of the room, where he sat down. I sat beside him, as close as I could get and just stared at him.

I couldn't believe he was doing this. I sat there, in this room. This room that he would probably die in, and as much as I wanted to yell at him and beg him to leave, I couldn't. I wanted so much to tell him that this didn't matter, that we could be together without his dying. But I'd done that all before, and so I sat beside him, desperately searching for something – _anything _– I could say that would make him give in and go home. And as much as I tried, I couldn't come with anything.

The door opened again, and in came two unknown vampires. This, I expected. What I didn't expect, was Alice to step out from behind them.

"Alice?" Edward's eyes grew wide with shock. I was pretty sure that my expression mirrored his.

Alice didn't seem fazed. She kept walking, while the vampires stopped in the middle of the room. She stood in front of Edward, and stared up at him like she was debating something. And then she slapped him. I flinched along with Edward and everyone else in the room, but I made no move to help him. I figured if anyone could talk some sense into Edward, it would be Alice.

"How _dare_ you!" She screeched. "How dare you even _think_ that I wouldn't see something like this?!"

Edward simply shrugged. "I had hoped," he said.

His words only seemed to make Alice angrier. "I can't believe you'd go and do something this stupid, just for a girl."

"She isn't just a girl, Alice," Edward growled, and I found myself smiling at the comment, despite the circumstances.

"Look, Edward," she sighed heavily, "I didn't come here to argue with you. I came to say goodbye."

And cue the shocked expression again. I had to admit, though, that I didn't see this coming either. I was expecting her to talk him out of it, to tell him to go home. Yet here she was, telling him the complete opposite. I think she was the one who deserved to be slapped at the moment. Alice had gone crazy along with Edward.

"_All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight  
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right  
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long  
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong…_

_  
The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could  
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything"_

"What?" Edward whispered, still a little shocked.

"No matter how many visions I have," Alice explained. "No matter how many times I try to see an outcome where you live and you come back home and explain to everyone that you're an idiot and went temporarily insane, I can't see it. Every vision ends the same."

"So in other words, you're saying that your brother is extremely stubborn and will not be swayed away from his goal?" One of the vampires piped up.

Alice turned to him, a grim expression drawn on her flawless face. "Yes, Aro. That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Can we please just get this over with?" Edward asked.

I shook my head. "How about not and say we did?"

Edward turned to me, eyes narrowed. "No, Bella."

It took everything in me not to start crying at that moment. "Just a suggestion," I squeaked.

The one called Aro piped into the conversation once again. "Edward, Carlisle is a very dear friend of mine. I'm not entirely sure that if I allow your death to occur, he will ever forgive me."

"He will," Edward assured. "Alice will make certain of that."

"Despite the fact," Aro said. "I would like you to consider joining us. Your talents would be a great asset to us; it would be a shame to waste them."

Edward answered almost immediately. "I have no desire to join you."

"The least you could have done was _thought_ about it," the other vampire commented.

"Marcus," Aro scolded, "not now."

"Aro, I think I'd like to make it clear, as I told you before, that you should get this over as fast as possible," Alice chimed in. "Edward isn't exactly known for his patience."

It took most of my self control not to lunge at her at that moment and knock some sense into her. _What_ in God's name did she think she was doing?! Did she want her brother gone _that_ badly? Obviously, or else she wouldn't be telling Aro to get a move on it.

Edward must have seen the look on my face, because he walked right up me and stared down at me with such intensity that I couldn't look away. He was being such a cheater.

"_The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love"_

"It's for the best," he whispered.

I swallowed hard, and put on my best angry face. "The hell it is!" I exclaimed, but I knew my voice was shaking. I was afraid. Afraid that Edward might actually die today. Afraid I might not ever see him again. I was, quite frankly, afraid of everything at the moment.

"Bella, I'm doing this for you."

"_We have got through so much worse than this before  
What's so different this time that you can't ignore  
You say it is much more than just my last mistake"_

"No! You're not!" I yelled. My voice was getting stronger with every word. "You're being selfish. You know I would die all over again than see you do this! You're idiotic for ever thinking that I would willingly let you kill yourself just to be with me. You have me, Edward. Isn't that enough?"

"She has a point there, boy," Marcus said.

We both turned at that moment and stared at the ancient vampire. Did he just say that?

I leaned closer to Edward so I could whisper in his ear. "He can see me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"Yes, Bella," Marcus chuckled. "I can see you."

"But _how_?"

Marcus sighed. "It's my gift. I see relationships, and your connection with Edward is so strong that I'm able to see you."

"And hear me," I muttered.

He laughed lightly and nodded. "And hear you, yes."

And how was that supposed to help me? I didn't know, but maybe it could. If I could just think of something, anything to get me and Edward out of here with him becoming a pile of ashes.

My optimism was getting the better of me, though, I knew it. There was no way in hell Edward was leaving this city. Either he was going to die, or he was going to join the Volturi. And I knew he would never join them. I didn't know how I knew, I just did.

I could feel myself tearing up again. I didn't stop it, though. I just cried. I was as helpless now as I was when Edward killed me. This situation, much like the last, was completely out of my control. I had no say in Edward's decision, I had no input whatsoever.

"_And I don't know where to look  
My words just break and melt  
Please just save me from this darkness"_

I wiped the tears from my eyes, and looked Marcus straight in the eye. "Tell Aro to get a move on," I whispered. "Edward's an impatient man."

Marcus nodded, and took a step closer to his friend. He leaned against him and whispered in his ear. I closed my eyes, letting a few more tears escape down my cheeks.

"_The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love"_

* * *

  
The smell of smoke was abundant in the air. I sank to the floor, my head in my hands, sobbing. He was gone, he was really gone. I had nothing left to live for, which I found utterly ironic given the fact that I wasn't even alive to begin with.

As I sat there, smelling the smoke and crying like there was no tomorrow – which there wasn't in my eyes – all I could think about was that I hoped he was happy. I hoped his death was quick and painless, and I hoped he was happy for taking himself away from my forever.

I heard a sigh, sometime later, and I assumed it was one of the Volterra vampires, but they just kept sighing and they were in very close proximity to me.

"Bella, get up," A voice said.

I frowned, dislodged my hands from my face and stood up slowly. I didn't know why I obeying this person who was speaking to me; I didn't even know how they were talking to me in the first place. I just knew that for some reason I had to listen.

I finally looked at the person who told me to get up. It was Edward, and much to my surprise, I wasn't at all happy to see him. I was angry. And the first physical contact I had with him since he killed me was my hand slapping him across the face.

I wasn't even shocked that I hit him. I knew he deserved it. "How could you?!" I screeched. "How could you be so stupid?!" I continued yelling at him for some time, and the more I yelled, the more Edward smiled.

I finally heaved a frustrated sigh. "_What_ could you possibly be so happy about?" he didn't answer. "Honestly, how could you be smiling when you could have taken yourself away from my forever? I don't get you, Edward."

He still wasn't saying anything. Instead, he was taking a step closer to me, closing the already small space between us. And before I knew it, he was kissing me. It was soft, sweet, and completely filled with love.

"You're a total idiot, you know that?" I whispered as we pulled away.

Edward sighed, probably frustrated that I ruined the moment, but I didn't care. He finally spoke. "I didn't take myself away from you, Bella. I'm here, and I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

"But you _could_ have died for no reason. I _could_ have had to spend eternity alone," I argued.

Edward kissed me again. "But that didn't happen, did it?"

"But it could have," I said.

"Bella," he sighed. "Get over it. I died, I'm here forever."

"You're still an idiot."

He laughed. "I can accept that," he said and then he kissed me once again.

"_The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could  
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything  
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned  
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love"_

**Fin.**_  
_


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